SloMo Buffy
by Gareli
Summary: My parody of "The Gift." Buffy in slo-mo! Two gay love scenes! An implied slashy ship! Read on... Completed!
1. Default Chapter

**_The usual disclaimers apply here. Review if you like._**

**__**

At the Magic Box...

Giles: Buffy...Dawn must...(pauses for dramatic effect)

Xander: Shh! They're showing the mandatory opening credits with clips of past episodes! (pounds a nail into the table with his hammer)

Anya sighs happily.

Giles: Oh, I'm sorry!

A few minutes pass...

A hunch-backed imp steps into the set, rolling out a column of red carpet. A middle-aged overweight man with curly red hair wearing a cape and a beret walks out on the carpet like any king would do.

Imp: (plays the trumpet) Hear, hear, the Master wishes to speak now!

Joss: (clap hands) Action, action!

Imp: The Master has spoken!

The Master and his imp walk off the set.

Giles: Buffy...Dawn must...(pauses for dramatic effect)...die! (cocks an eyebrow)

The Scooby Gang let out a collective gasp and look away from Giles to Buffy. Buffy is standing in the Magic Box's doorway with her back to them. Spike lights a cigarette. Buffy slowly turns around, her hair rippling as if being blown by wind.

A minute passes.

Buffy is still turning around. Willow has fallen asleep, her head resting on Xander's shoulder. Tara stares off into the distance beyond the window. Anya drums her fingers on the table, impatient.

Giles: Oh, do hurry up! My eyebrow is getting sore! (eyebrow's still cocked)

Buffy: (mouth slowly forming words) Giles...Dawn...cannot...die...!

Giles: (stepping forward) She must! We have no choice in that matter!

Anya: Yes, that's right. We die if Dawn stays alive and we live if Dawn dies. Personally, I prefer the latter.

Xander: Ahn! (pounds another nail into the table)

Willow: (snoring lightly)

Xander shakes his shoulder, shaking in a not-so-subtle way of awakening Willow.

Willow: An earthquake! (eyes turn black) Hectate, hear me speak...

Xander: (holds up a yellow crayon)

Willow: (sobs uncontrollably) I'm sorry, Giles!

Giles: Yes, thank you. (glares at Buffy) I've gone over countless legends, myths, lore, and such on the subject. One thing remains the same... (pauses) Dawn must die!

Buffy: No...why? (tears welling up in eyes)

Giles: (deep sigh, looking away) Glory wishes to return to her home dimension. Dawn is the Key. Glory must use the Key to open a portal to her hell dimension. How she plans to achieve that is unknown at the moment. But nevertheless, once the Key is activated, it stays...activated.

Buffy: Meaning...what...?

Giles: There are mystical barriers holding back the hundreds, thousands of dimensions on this world. The Key does not open just a single dimension. No, once the Key is activated, every barrier will fall. (dramatic pause) Unimaginable creatures from the other dimensions will overrun this world. People will die! Hear this, the world is doomed!

A collective gasp from the Scooby Gang.

Buffy: There...must...be...other...way...! (lips pressing together to form a tight line)

Giles: No! Dawn must die!

Buffy: Exactly...how...will...Glory...use...Dawn...?

Spike: (pounds chest) Blood! Blood! Blood! 'Tis the blood! She must bleed Dawn dry! Yesss, blood! Blood is life! (lights another cigarette)

Xander: So...you're saying Glory has to bleed Dawn?

A black bunny appears by Anya.

Anya: (standing up and sings) _Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes!_

Two bunnies.

Anya: _They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy noses!_

Ten bunnies.

Anya: _And what's with all the carrots?_

Fifty bunnies.

Anya: _What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? _(playing air guitar) _Bunnies! Bunnies! It must be bunnies!_

By this time, hundreds of bunnies fill the Magic Box. They all stand up and do the jazz hands and promptly vanish. All is normal now.

Buffy's mind briefly flashbacks to the time she made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for her dear sister. Buffy and Dawn are in the kitchen. Two jars--crunchy peanut butter and grape jelly--are on the counter. Two slices of white bread lay on a paper plate, awaiting to be made into a sandwich.

Dawn: Hurry up! Or I'll run out and get pregnant!

Buffy continues to twist the peanut butter jar's lid open. Centimeter by centimeter, the lid twists open.

Buffy: Dawn...I'm...getting...to...it...soon...

Dawn stamps her feet and runs out of the house.

Mustard Man: (pops in the Summers' kitchen) _They got the mustard out!_

Buffy: (taking out a butter knife) I'm...ready...Dawnie...!

**_To be continued... _**


	2. Tada!

**_All characters belong to Joss and so forth... _**

Buffy is finished making the PB & J sandwich...finally! Dawn enters the Summers' kitchen. She looks older, somehow different.

Dawn: I'm back! I got pregnant...but then I had an abortion.

Buffy: Oh...Well...here's...your...sandwich...Dawnie...

Here endeth the flashback. Cut to the scene at the Magic Box, where Giles is telling Buffy in his usual melodramatic manner that Dawn has to die.

Giles: Did you hear me, Buffy?

Buffy: I...heard...you...

Willow: Buffy...

Buffy: Don't...

Giles: Oh bloody hell, we're going to die! The world is doomed! Doomed, I tell you!

Spike: 'Ave at it, why don't you, Buffy? Go ahead and beat up that O Skanky One and rescue Little Bit like you always do every Tuesday!

Buffy: Yeah...but...how...?

Spotlight lands on Anya as she moves towards the gigantic hammer resting on the shelf behind her. Vanna White-style, she points out the hammer to Buffy.

Anya: If you want to fight a god, use a weapon of gods!

Buffy: Good...idea...!

Spike: Bollocks, that thing's too 'eavy for anyone! (lights a cigarette and smokes it) Even Hercules couldn't pick up that thing!

Buffy: We'll...see...

Buffy walks over to the shelf...at one step a time.

Anya: We'll be here all night! By then, our skins will have been devoured by Gnarls, our nails pulled out, our viscera spilled out, our...

Xander: We get the picture, Ahn. (pounds another nail into the table)

Anya: Ooh! I nearly forgot about that Sphere...

Giles: (arches an eyebrow) A Sphere, you say? (takes a sip from his brandy snifter, which has somehow magically appeared in his hand)

Anya: Yes, the Dagon Sphere.

Giles: Ah! Well, Anya, you're just full of good ideas, aren't you, dear girl? If I recall correctly, the Dagon Sphere will weaken Glory considerably upon contact.

Xander: I think we put that in the basement. Let's check...

Anya: Okay! Ooh! And we can have five minutes of unbridled sex while we're down there!

Giles: Thank you for that most appalling mental image!

As Anya and Xander descend into the basement, Anya faintly calls out something.

Anya: Please remove your clothing now.

At the informal meeting table, Willow is stroking her lover's hair. Tara purrs, nuzzling the nape of Willow's neck.

Tara: I'm a kitty...

Willow: Yes, you are. I love kittens. They're so adorable with that, you know, whiskery thing and fluffy goodness!

The Magic Box's doorbell chimes and someone enters the shop. A redheaded woman in leather slinks in, grinning from ear to ear.

Vamp Willow: Hiya, cutie...who's this cute kitty?

Willow: Oh, she's Tara!

V. Willow: (seductively) Wanna have fun?

Willow: Hey! Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm roarin' for threesomes and stuff!

V. Willow: (pouts)

Willow: I need to work on finding a spell to restore my girlfriend's mind...

V. Willow: (seductively) I can help and we'll have fun.

Willow: (shrugs) Sure. C'mon.

Willow stands up and takes Tara by her hand, leading her into the training room with Vamp Willow trailing behind.

Buffy is...still walking to the critically acclaimed weapon of gods. Giles is now donning a smoking jacket along and is on his second brandy.

Giles: Bloody hell! Everyone else's gone off and had themselves bedtime fun...even Spike. (downs the brandy in one gulp)

Spike: (misty look in his eyes, remembering something)

Los Angeles, 1999

Spike and Angel are both naked in Angel's bedroom at the Hyperion Hotel. The room's door is locked and barricaded so no one will disturb them. Angel is lying on his stomach on his bed, the blood-red silk bed sheets caressing his frontal body. Spike is straddling Angel's hip, working the sandalwood-scented massage oil into Angel's back.

Angel: Oh, you're so good, Spike!

Spike: (massaging Angel's bare back) Yeah, I ate a masseuse back in Italy.

Angel: You're liking this, aren't you?

Spike: Oh yeah.

Time seems to have slowed to a snail's pace as Angel and Spike began interlocking...with Angel rocking into Spike's body. The scene looks like a something you'd see on the cable at 2:00 in the morning.

Spike: Oh...Angelus...!

Angel: Will...iam...!

Here endeth yet another flashback. In the Magic Box's basement, Xander and Anya are dressing. Sweat glistens on their flushed faces.

Anya: That was a freaking good sex! I'm all worn out. My energies will be replenished in, say, oh; about five minutes and we can have sex again.

Xander: (patting his stomach) We're supposed to look for that orby thingie...

Anya nods and shifts through the stacked boxes to her right. Xander does the same with the boxes to his left. Anya finds something and is quite pleased with herself...

Anya: I found the Dagon Sphere! And it's right next to a... Eek! A bunny! (picks up the stuffed bunny and rips its head off, tossing the head over her shoulder)

Xander gapes at the decapitated stuffed bunny, mouth hanging open.

Xander: Gee, don't you think that was bit... (gesturing with his hands) extreme?

Anya: All bunnies must be destroyed.

Xander: (shakes his head) Listen, Anya...

Anya: Bunnies! Hoppy, floppy bunnies! (clenching her teeth)

Xander pulls Anya into an embrace, stroking the top of her head.

Xander: Wanna marry me, Ahn?

Anya pushes Xander away from her, shock on her face.

Anya: You scum! You're only proposing to me because we're gonna die! That way you don't have to marry me...

Xander: (taking a ring box out of his pocket, opening it) No, Ahn! Look, the ring... I wanna marry you because I love ya...

Anya: (looks at the ring) A claddagh ring?

Xander: Huh? (looks at the ring) Oops... (puts away the ring, is mumbling, "Angel gave it to me...") Here's the real one.

Anya: Ooh! You selected quite a fashionable ring band along with a finely cut diamond! But no.

Xander: No?

Anya: We should wait until after this Glory/Dawn thing is done with and if we're still alive by then, you can propose to me again.

Xander: (smiles and pulls Anya into another embrace) Okay, Ahn, whatever you want.

They are interrupted by Buffy's voice upstairs.

Buffy: I...got...the...hammer... It's...gonna...work...

**_To be continued..._**

**_Well, guys? Should I continue or not?_**


	3. The day before the dawn of the ultimate ...

**_All characters belong to Joss, blah blah blah blah. Read on._**

Anya grabs the Dagon Sphere from the box and starts to follow Xander upstairs when they are stopped by a strange sound. _Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah... _The theme song of "Bionic Woman" starts to play.

Xander: What's that?

Anya: (shrugs) I don't know and I'd really rather not to find out.

A Buffy look-alike stiffly walks by the staircase, arms bent at a right angle.

Xander: The Buffybot! I have an idea... Let's go, Ahn.

They arrive in the Magic Box's "meeting" room. Buffy is standing, the hammer in her hand, a proud smile on her face.

Xander: (glances around) Where'd Willow go?

Vamp Willow slinks past them, a satisfied smile on her face.

Xander: Wo-oow! Willow and leather...

Anya: (punches Xander in his arm)

The real Willow comes out of the closet along with Tara in tow.

Willow: Hiya, guys... (sits down at the table)

Tara: (wanders off to a corner)

Spike is standing by a bookcase, a pile of smoked out cigarettes can be seen close to his feet.

Spike: (whispers) Angelus...

Giles: (bewildered look) Erm, we need to come up with a plan... (takes off his glasses and clean them)

Elsewhere...

Glory is dressed in a ceremonial gown. She is a radiant beauty, soft blonde curls framing her petite face. But her beauty is a mere facade. Dawn is standing, her back close to the wall. A cloth is wrapped around Dawn's face, preventing her from speaking.

Glory: (stamps feet) Little Ben's humanity is gnawing at my guts like bunch of maggots feasting on dead flesh... (tears a chunk out from her hair)

Dawn: Mmmf, mmf!

Glory: Isn't it enough I have a certain male part? Now I gotta suffer from stupid conscience...tell me how you do it, Dawnie.

Dawn: Mmf, mmff, mmf!

Glory: (rolling eyes) Oh, for crying out loud... (unties the cloth and takes it off Dawn's face)

Dawn: Buffy will save me! She always does, every Tuesday...

Glory: (confused look) Today's Monday.

Dawn: I know.

Glory: Oh. Well, whatever! We're talking about me here, not Buffy! Minion, a mirror!

Jinx walks into the room, carrying a hand mirror.

Jinx: Here you go, oh so Beautificus Glorificus! (hands the mirror to Glory)

Glory: (peers at the mirror, admiring her reflection)

Dawn: I'm just a stupid girl! Nobody loves me!

Glory: Excuse me? I said, we're talking about me here.

Dawn: Screw you. I wanna talk about me.

Glory: No, me!

Dawn: Me!

They continue to argue, Jinx sadly shaking his head as he closes the door behind him.

The Magic box...

Buffy: That's...the...plan... Everyone...got...it...?

Everyone but Buffy is snoring, heads resting on the table. A dark-skinned young female with white markings suddenly appears out of nowhere along with a middle-aged bespectacled man who obsession with sliced cheese is made abundantly clear.

First Slayer: Death is your gift!

Cheese Man: I am the cheese. It wears me...

Buffy: Wha...

First Slayer: (standing up straight) Y'know, I'm tired of making incredibly cryptic messages.

Cheese Man: Yeah, me too.

First Slayer: Wanna go out for coffee?

Cheese Man: (shrugs) Sure. I hear there's a nice cafe that serves fondue at the corner of 51st.

They walk out of the establishment, together.

Buffy: (slowly shaking her head) Guys...wake...up...!

Spike: I'm drowning in shoes! (abruptly wakes up)

Anya: Mm, oh Xander...Angel...Spike...

Xander: Oh, Angel...

A hurt look appears on Spike's face.

Spike: The bloke's not dreaming about me?

Buffy: Giles...!

Giles: The world is definitely doomed! (sits up, rousing himself from sleep) I'm up!

Willow: (rubbing her eyes) I just had a strange dream...about John F. Kennedy.

Xander: Ooh, Spikeeee! Jonathan! Anya!

Spike: (obviously pleased now) That settles it then! Everyone wants me...

Willow pokes Xander in his ribs and elicits a rude response from him. Anya wakes up too.

Anya: I'm up, too. (her eyes glaze over as she plots something in her mind)

Buffy: Okay...everyone... It's...almost...time...for...us...to...go...

**_To be continued... Reviews if you like. I strongly urge you to do so. Reviews are all I have to live on. _**


	4. The PreUltimate Battle

**Hey, everyone, sorry for taking so long writing this. Writer's block and all. The usual disclaimers apply. Read and review, please. Thank you. **

At the Summers' household...

Buffy: (slowly turning the front door's knob)

Spike: (impatient, he pushes Buffy out of the way)

Buffy: ...ow...!

Spike opens the front door and starts to enter when a mystical wall stops him.

Buffy: Ha...ha...ha...!

Buffy walks around Spike, going inside her home. She starts to go upstairs when she is stopped by Spike's voice.

Spike: (tears welling up in his eyes) I know you don't love me. But that doesn't matter because you treat me like a man. Someday, I'll 'ave you.

Buffy: (exaggerated eye roll) What...ever...Spike...come...in...

Spike: Thanks. So, umm, the weapons?

Buffy: Over...there...

Spike walks into the living room, bending down to the weapons' chest. As Buffy makes her way upstairs, she decides to say something to Spike.

Buffy: Spike...you...know...not...

Spike: (grabs a short sword from the chest)

Buffy: ...all...of...us...

Spike: (lights a cigarette and smokes it)

Buffy: ...will...make...it...

Spike: (on his second cigarette) Yeah, I know. But I'll be your knight in shining armor. (dons a knight's armor) Literally.

Buffy: I'll...need...you...to...protect...Dawn...

Spike: With my life. I swear on my mother's grave.

At the Magic Box...

Willow: (tenderly stroking Tara's cheek) Lead the way, luv, I mean, Tara.

Tara: (happily skips out of the Magic Box, singing) _To Glory's Tower we go! Three piggies went to the market..._

Buffy: Let's...go...remember...no...one...comes...near...Dawn...!

Buffy turns around, her hair rippling in the wind. She is holding a sword behind her neck, her arms resting on it. The Scooby Gang follows her, falling a few steps behind. The scene looks strangely familiar. They leave the Magic Box into the afternoon's sun, walking at a snail's pace. Spike is holding a blanket over his head, shielding himself from the sun's harmful rays.

Giles: The world is doomed! (sips on a cup of tea)

Spike: We get it, luv.

Anya: Xander, did you remember to bring along an extra guest?

Xander: ...

Wah, wah, wah, wah...

Xander: Yeah, I did.

By the time the Scooby Gang arrives at Glory's Tower, the sun is down. They look upon the poorly constructed tower with awe.

Anya: Hey, that plank... I think that's where your sister is supposed to die.

Xander: Ahn! (runs over to a wall and pounds a nail into it)

The Scooby Gang walks on the construction ground, looking around.

Giles: The world is definitely doomed.

Anya: You said that about six times now.

A growl can be heard coming from the opposite direction of Buffy's.

Glory: You! What are you doing here?! (grabbing Tara by her shoulder)

Willow: Getting back what's hers. (places both of her hands on Glory and Tara's heads)

Staggering back, Glory stumbles over a cement block, falling on her behind.

Glory: I'm hungry...that bitch took my...

Wah, wah, wah, wah...

Glory: (taken aback) What's that sound?

Buffy: (stiffly moving towards Glory) It could be this Dagon Sphere. Initating Program 1478. Please catch. (tosses the sphere at Glory)

Glory: (catches the sphere, groaning painfully) You...stupid...bitch...! (crushes the sphere)

**_TBC... Review, please. My life depends on your reviews. ;)_**


	5. Showdown between Glory and Buffy

**Well, for those whom are familiar with "The Gift," the story is close to an end. Whew! I'm glad...this will be my first completed story. Well, read on and review. Thanks a bunch, Joss, for creating the Buffyverse... I dedicate this story in the memory of my friend, Jenn. **

**_The usual disclaimers apply here..._**

_At the Glory's Tower..._Glory: (chuckles) So, you want a fight?

Wah, wah, wah, wah...

Buffy: Yes, I'd like that. Please put your dukes up and I will do the same.

The "Bionic Woman" theme song starts to play.

Glory: Where is that song coming from? (hands on her hip, bewilderment on her face)

Buffy does not give Glory a chance to wonder, she delivers a roundhouse kick, landing her foot squarely on Glory's breastbone. Glory stumbles back, dazed. She lets out a growl through her clenched teeth.

Glory: Superbitch! I'm a god; you can't do that to me! (launches a surprise backhand on Buffy's cheek)

Buffy's head snaps off, live wires sparkling with electricity out of Buffy's neck.

Glory: (stands back, smirking) Gosh, that was easy. I'm beautiful and strong!

Jinx: Yes, you are, oh so inspiration of all fear and wonderment in us all!

Behind Glory, Buffy slowly strides in, pulling her fist back. At an amazing slow speed, the punch connects with the back of Glory's head.

Glory: (eyes rolling back) Doo-oooooooh!

Glory stumbles forward, falling to ground, landing flat on her face.

Buffy: You're...not...exactly...the...

Glory stands back up, brushing dust off her black slacks. She is quite annoyed now. She turns around, fury in her eyes.

Buffy: ...brightest...god...in...the...heavens...?

Glory: (growling) Bitch, bitch, bitch!!! (jumps toward Buffy, her arms outstretched)

Cut to the scene atop the Glory's Tower...

Dawn is clad in ceremonial robes, her hair whipping back by the wind. Tears are streaming down her face, afraid of what is yet to come. In fact, she is so afraid that she knew she shouldn't have had those two glasses of water an hour ago.

Dawn: (looking down) This is not, like, so fair! Ugh, I need to, like, change robes...this one's damp.

A short and skinny white-haired man with eyes of a snake suddenly appears in front of Dawn, grinning from ear to ear.

Dawn: Doc! Save me! And I'll let you, like, touch me and stuff!

Doc: Hmmmm, that certainly does sound tempting...but Glorificus wouldn't like it if I had let you go.

Dawn: Noooo! Not fair, not fair! (stomps feet)

On the construction ground below...

The Scooby Gang and Spike are losing their battle against the loonies. One of them even had the audacity to bean Spike in his head with a heavy brick. Anya stands up a bit, looking over the makeshift wall.

Anya: Do you think if I had gone out there, would I get killed?

Xander: Yes, I think that's the general idea.

Anya: Hmm. (runs out from behind the wall, waving her arms)

Xander: Ahn! (to Giles and Willow) That Ahn...always trying to get out of her "contract."

Xander runs out to Anya and grabs her by her arms, dragging her back to their safe spot.

Anya: No, no, no!!! Let me go, you overgrown baseball player!

Tara and Willow are making out, caught up in the moment. From behind the scenes, someone runs out to the passionate girls and dumps a bucket of water on their heads. Soaking wet, Willow sputters angrily.

Joss: Action, action! (claps hands)

Imp: The Master has spoken!

Willow: (frowning) Spike, hear me!

Spike: (startled) Where did that voice come from? I didn't hear that...

Willow: (brow furrowed) You're hearing me think. Well, not quite--I'm just sitting here all crinkly-brow and you're just hearing my voice-over. But anyway, get over there and save Dawn! Again!

Spike: Gotcha...but what about the loonies?

The "loonies" are standing around, some are munching on Krispy Kreme donuts and some are sipping from their bottles of Evian water. Spike stands up and starts to run toward them, growling. The loonies jump; they had forgotten what they were supposed to do now.

Joss: Cut!

The imp rolls out the red carpet and Joss, in all of his Dungeonmaster's glory, walks down the carpet, steam hissing out of his ears.

Joss: (gesturing with his hands) Loonies, you're supposed to attack Spike now!

Joss turns around, walking back to his director's seat, huffing.

Joss: Action, action! (claps hands)

Imp: The Master has spoken!

The loonies leap toward the incoming Spike, their hands claw-like. Suddenly, the crowd divides into half, parting to let Spike through.

The showdown between Glory and Buffy...

Buffy backhands Glory, Glory's head slowly turning away, saliva flying out of her mouth. Buffy blinks once, her lips curving into a smirk. Glory looks back at Buffy, blinking slowly.

Glory: You...bitch...!

Buffy: Takes...one...to...know...one...!

Glory: (leaps toward Buffy) You'll...pay...!

Buffy crouches down, rolling away from Glory. A look of horror forms on Glory's face as she lands on the ground flat on her face, again. Buffy raises her troll hammer, slowly bringing it down. A sharp crack can be heard as the hammer connects with Glory's back. Glory's body twitches.

Glory: Ooooh...! I...needed...that...! Thanks...!

Buffy: No...problem...!

Buffy raises the hammer again and brings it down...again and again. After a while, Glory rolls onto her back, taking out a cigarette. She lights it and smokes it.

Glory: I'm a new woman now, thanks to you. (changes into a bloodied Ben)

Buffy: Ben...Glory...don't...ever...

Ben: Go near your sister and you? Gotcha!

Buffy stands up, slowly running toward the Glory's Tower's staircase. Ben rolls his eyes, chuckling sardonically. Giles steps in, bending down. He is wearing a leather jacket and denim pants, his hair slicked back.

Ben: Giles...

Giles: That's Ripper to you.

Ben: Ripper? Gah!

Giles a.k.a. Ripper brings his hand down on Ben's face, covering his nose and mouth. After a short while, Ben is dead. Giles stares at Ben's face, smirking. Ethan Rayne steps out of the darkness, placing a hand on Giles' shoulder.

Ethan: Ready to go, luv?

Giles: Not quite yet. There's still more to be done.

Ethan: Oh yes, Buffy.

Something crashes behind Giles and Ethan, making a very loud thud. Giles and Ethan spin around, curious. Xander is sitting on the ground next to a pile of wooden beams, dazed. Underneath the pile, Anya is unconscious...or is she?

Atop the Glory's Tower...

Spike and Doc are fighting, their lithe forms tangling. Spike looks at Dawn behind Doc, smirking.

Spike: I'm so bad! Yeah, I'm the Big Bad! Oh!

Doc has stuck his knife in Spike's stomach, pulling it out as he pushes Spike off the bridge. Wiping the blood off his knife, Doc looks at Dawn and grins.

Doc: Gee, that fellow didn't put up much of a fight, did he? Oh well.

In a flash, Doc appears by Dawn's side, slicing her stomach three times with his knife. Blood gushes out from the shallow cuts, Dawn groaning painfully. Doc looks concerned; Buffy hasn't showed up yet. He places a hand on Dawn's cuts, holding the blood back in. After what seemed like an hour, Buffy finally makes her arrival.

Buffy: Get...away...from...her...!

Doc: (holding up his bloody hands and knife) This should be interesting. (takes a step toward Buffy)

**_Criticism and praises are greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking a few minutes out of your busy, busy, busy lives to read this... bows repeatedly_**


	6. Farewell, Buffy

**_The final chapter...yay! Well, read on and review, please. The usual disclaimers apply here... _**

Slowly stepping forward, Buffy glares at Doc. Doc takes another step forward...and another...and another... Finally, Buffy gives Doc a tiny push back and Doc falls off the bridge, landing near Spike. Buffy looks at Dawn, scowling. Dawn looks down at her wounds. Blood is gushing heavily out of her cuts, running down her legs. A short while later, Buffy is at Dawn's side, untying the ropes. However, Buffy is taking her time at it as proven by the growing sphere of glowing energy. Dawn keeps sending the portal frantic glances.

Dawn: Umm, Buffy, hurry!

Buffy: Hold...on...I'm...almost...done...

Dawn: Buffy!

Buffy: I'm...done...let's...go...Dawnie...!

They run forward, Buffy lagging behind Dawn.

Dawn: It's started!

Buffy glances over her shoulder, seeing the portal. Dawn starts to run past Buffy. Buffy grabs Dawn by her shoulders, angry.

Buffy: Dawn...what...are...you...doing...?

The portal continues to grow, now the size of a small football field. Blue lightening shoots out of it, making contact with the ground below and various buildings, turning them into unspeakable hellish images. A dragon, no, two dragons fly out of the portal, their wings creating heavy tailwind. Buffy and Dawn nearly fall off the bridge but luckily they're holding on the beams for support.

Dawn: It has to have blood. Once the blood, like, starts flowing, the portal won't, like, close until the blood, like, stops flowing. I have to go...

It has to have blood...

Buffy's mind flashbacks to various scenes, the hospital, the monks, and the First Slayer...

We're Summers. Our blood is the same. The monks made her out of me. Death is your gift.

The words running through Buffy's mind, she turns around. Her blonde hair slowly rippling in the wind, tears welling up in her tears. The sun is rising in the background, making for a very cliché scene. Buffy turns back to Dawn, calmness can be seen on her face.

Dawn: Buffy, no! You're not supposed to die! It's my scene and I'm supposed to, like, die a heroic death! This is just like you, always having to have the, like, spotlight on you... Not fair. (stomps feet)

Buffy: Dawnie...I...have...to...

A beam of bright white light suddenly appears behind Buffy. A visage of smiling Joyce, dressed in white robes, a golden halo above her head, slowly appears. A heavenly choir can be heard playing.

Joyce: Dawnie, I love you, but things are--

Buffy: Moooooom...! Not...until...season...seven...!

Joyce: Oh dear. I'm sorry, dears... (snaps her fingers)

The heavenly choir begins to quiet down as Joyce starts to vanish but then she reappears. The heavenly choir begins to play again. She frowns, puzzled. She takes out a remote control and presses the red button on it. Her body suddenly jerks forward, as if she's being pulled upwards, which she is. The rope tied around Joyce's torso is dragging her upwards. Soon, Joyce is gone along with the heavenly choir.

Buffy: (turns back to Dawn) ...it's...my...job...

Dawnie: (crying non-stop) No...

Buffy: Tell...Giles...I...figured...it...out...

The camera backs away from the sisters, their conversation unheard. After a while, the camera closes up on Buffy. Buffy kisses Dawn's forehead one last time before turning around. Time seemed to have slowed down to a snail's pace as Buffy starts toward the portal, her pert hair bouncing along with her body. The portal grows bigger, pulsating with immeasurable energy.

Dawn: (mouth forming words) Buffyyyyyyy, nooooooooooo...loooook ooouuut foooorrrr thaaaatttt....

Just before Buffy takes her last step off the bridge, her foot lands on a crushed soda can and...she is sent spiraling off the edge, her limbs wildly flailing.

Dawn: ...soda can.

Buffy misses the portal, landing on the construction ground below, with a thud. Willow rolls her eyes and she levitates off the ground, her eyes and red hair turning black. She raises her arms toward the sky, shouting at the top of her lungs.

Willow: Osiris, hear me speak! Bring this woman back to life! I command thee!

Buffy slowly gets back on her feet, shaking her head.

Buffy: Thanks...Willow...! Is...it...too...late...?

Willow sends Buffy a withering glare. Atop the Glory's Tower, Dawn is running to the end of the bridge, picking up the soda can and tossing it over the bridge.

Spike: 'urry up, will ya? Ow! (rubs his head, bending down to pick up the soda can) Where'd this come from? (looks up)

Willow sighs heavily and closes her eyes, willing Buffy to blink out of this plane and blink back on the bridge above. The portal continues to grow... Buffy appears on the bridge, dazed.

Dawn: You're here! Hurry! (pointing at the portal over Buffy's shoulder)

Buffy: (looking back) Oh...

Buffy turns around and once again, she starts toward the glowing portal. Her pert hair bouncing in the air along with her body, her graceful legs pumping slowly. A giant ogre falls out of the portal, landing next to Spike. Buffy reaches the end of the bridge and swan-dives off it. Just before Buffy lands inside the portal, everything stops...Buffy is floating in the air, midway above the portal.

Buffy: Gotta...check...my...hair...and...everything...else...!

Buffy takes out a hand mirror, opening it to check her make-up. She touches up her lipstick a bit and then she opens her mouth to rub the lipstick off her teeth. With a snap, Buffy closes the make-up mirror and puts it back in her pocket. She runs her fingers through her silky hair, fluffing it a bit. She lifts her arms, sniffing her armpits. With a sigh, Buffy adjusts her bra's straps, pushing her breasts up a bit.

Buffy: Perfect...

Everything is back to normal again and Buffy finally lands into the portal. A blindingly white light starts to spread out from the portal, enveloping Buffy and the portal. A voice-over of Buffy's words begin...

Dawn...I...love...you... But...this...is...my...job... The...hardest...thing...to...do...

The Scooby Gang is gathering around something... Giles is staring at something ahead of him. Anya stays still in Xander's arms. Spike is sipping on his bottled Evian water. Willow is making out with Tara, again.

...on...this...world...is...live...in...it... Be...brave...

The camera starts to back away, revealing something.

Live...

The still body of Buffy Anne Summers lay on a pile of bricks, a gentle smile on her face. Even in death and after having all of her blood drained away, Buffy looks great. Her make-up is perfect, her clothes is spotlessly clean, her skin tanned and supple, and her body is in a good condition considering she has fallen over 20 feet from the tower.

For...me...

Joss: James, cue the waterworks!

Spike: (stops drinking from his bottled water and starts to cry uncontrollably)

Behind him, Dawn is walking off the staircase, tears in her eyes.

Joss: Alyson!

Willow: (cries uncontrollably)

Joss: Tony!

Giles: (uses an eyedropper to wet his eyes)

Joss: Nick!

Xander: (stays silent, unable to cry)

Anya: Ach-ooo! (makes a sudden movement in Xander's arms)

Joss: Aha! Numfar do the dance of joy! (does a wild jig) I saw you, saw you! Two more seasons for you!

Anya: Dammit!

Joss: Cut! That's a wrap...

A shot of Buffy's gravestone..._Buffy Anne Summers. 1981-2001. She saved the world a lot. See you in October, W. Rosenberg._

**_Thank you for taking the time to read my parody of "The Gift." I hope you've enjoyed reading it as I've writing it... Reviews are appreciated. _**


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